gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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