So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
