The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!