I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.