I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.