My Higher Power is John Stamos
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.