I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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