I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
