Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize