im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
