i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
