She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize