The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
