It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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