it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
