I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize