I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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