i jhust puked up my retainher.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
