No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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