So drunk, too bad you don't want this
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
