Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
