You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
