So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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