I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
