I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
