I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
