i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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