Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
