sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
