I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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