Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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