Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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