Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
