Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
