The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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