I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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