Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
