It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
