They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
