awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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