just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
