You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
