she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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