If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
