party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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