So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we made out on top of his cat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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