fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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