After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
