do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
