id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
