dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
