Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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