why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
