The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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