good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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