he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
