I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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