So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
