im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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