If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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