opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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