This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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