I faked an abortion last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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