Where is the hickey?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
