...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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