Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
