She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
