I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
