Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
