I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
