Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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