Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
