so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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