i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
