i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
