Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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