I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
