haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
