wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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