I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
