Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
